London, 1674, women petition against the "Grand INCONVENIENCIES accruing to their SEX from the Excessive Use of that Drying, Enfeebling LIQUOR [coffee]." Here are a few choice bits:
"Never did Men wear greater Breeches, or carry less in them of any Mettle whatsoever."
"They come from it [coffee] with nothing moist but their snotty Noses, nothing stiffe but their Joints, nor standing but their Ears..."
"...like young Train-band-men when called upon Duty, their Amunition is wanting; peradventure they Present, but cannot give Fire, or at least do but flash in the pan, instead of doing Execution."
"Certainly our Coutrymens pallates are become as Fanatical as their Brains; how else is't possible they should Apostatize from the good old primitive way of Ale-drinking, to run a whoreing after such variety of distructive Foraign Liquors...this ugly Turkish Enchantress..."
(I found this thanks to the latest issue of Harper's.)